I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
