I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
