I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
