Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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