its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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