I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
