every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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