If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
