I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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