dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize