Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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