my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
