you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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