loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
