I'm so fucking centered right now
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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