Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
