i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
