Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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