He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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