Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
