her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
