when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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