so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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