Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
