my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
