That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
