I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
