I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
