If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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