so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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