just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i think my cat just said my name.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
