I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
