We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
