you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
