FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
