just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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