saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
