i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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