I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
