so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
