Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are the jesus of drinking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
