I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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