I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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