Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
