the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
