I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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