I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
