Girls should come with a carfax report
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
