I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
