If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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