I'm drive I can fine osifer
Pants 0. Shit 1.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
