I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
