I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
