Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
