Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
