i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize