update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Still dying that you shit outside
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
