I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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