The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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