Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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