Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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