You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
