last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize