don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
