Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
