Kareoke will never be a sober sport
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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