i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
