and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
