i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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