Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
