he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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