FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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