she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
