TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
