The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
