Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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