Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
