So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
