If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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