girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
