let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
