i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
