K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didn't notice because vodka
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
