were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
