I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
