Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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