Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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