oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
