I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
