Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
