Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
