Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
