Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
