Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
