Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
