there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
