turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
