I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
