have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You took a bar mat shot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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