I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
