its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize