I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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