I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
