he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
