He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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