Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
