I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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