there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
