I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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