I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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