She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
