Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
