after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
