i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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