you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ttyl tear gas
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize