did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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