i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
