honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
